Here goes nothing!

When I first started this blog to track my weight loss I told myself I would ONLY post swimsuit before/after pictures if/when I met my ultimate weight loss goal...

Now that the goal has been met, I'm hesitant to actually do it. ha. Mostly because it's completely embarrassing to think I ever thought it was ok to put on a swimsuit at that point. Seriously?!?!? What was I thinking? And to those of you who allowed me to go in public like that and tell me I looked fine, or worse, GOOD, you are the biggest liars known to man and you're payback is coming....lol!

So here goes nothing... I took the pictures in the same swimsuit bottoms, even tho now they are WAY too big (which is why I'm holding them on behind my back ha) so I could show the true difference.

NO LAUGHING ALLOWED!!!

(ok well, I know it can't be helped -- so go ahead laugh WITH me, not AT me!)

BEFORE: SUMMER '08

AFTER: DECEMBER '08 (this is me at 15-18lbs weight loss)

AFTER: FEBRUARY 23, 2009 (this is me at 28lbs weight loss)

Can you believe this??

I posted these pictures a while back to use as a before and after pictures. While cleaning out my closet yesterday, I found this shirt and tried it on.... you won't even believe the difference. If anyone is still questioning if this pill works, in my opinion, this is the TRUE BEFORE AND AFTER picture you all should see..... It cracks me up just thinking about the difference.... Check these out and you'll understand what I'm talking about...

Left picture-BEFORE: April 2008

Right pictures-AFTER:February 12, 2009

And even better than those pictures, this is all you need to see!

Left picture-June 2008
Right picture-Jan 2009

Questions Answered

Alrighty then... now that I've said most of what I needed to say to "recap" the last few months, I'm sure many people still have questions. I will try to answer anything I can think people would or already have asked. If there is anything I have not answered, please post a comment or email and feel free to ask away.... =)

How much did you weigh when you decided to start taking these pills?
-I was 132... which is the heaviest I've been, post baby.

How tall are you and what do you think you should weigh?
- I am 5'1 tall... actually not quite 5'1 but pretty close. Honestly, I'm not sure what I think I SHOULD weigh, but I know I feel most comfortable in the 103-107 range.

How much weight did you lose the first month?
- I lost 12-15lbs the first month I was on the pills. After that the weight loss slowed down. Not sure if that's because I didn't have that much to lose to begin with or because it was around holidays when I was first taking the pills. With the chaoticness of traveling, bad eating and lack of sleep I'm sure that slowed down the process somewhat.

How much weight have you lost total so far?
- I have lost 26-27 pounds. I am currently 105-106... which has been my ultimate goal all along.

Are you still taking the diet pills? If not, when did you stop?
- I do not take the pills on a daily basis at all. I didn't want to just stop drastically, so I have gradually started to take them less and less often. I started that the beginning of Jan.

Did the weight come back when you stopped?
-Actually, because I haven't completely stopped, I can't really answer. No I haven't gained anything back as of yet, but I don't think that has to do with taking or not taking the pills.

Do you still eat the same things or whatever you want, or did you change your eating habits?
- I have always eaten whatever I want, but I did notice my cravings changed. I still want the occasional chocolate or cookie, but now instead of wanting ALL of them I eat enough to fill that craving. I also noticed I no longer enjoyed eating so unhealthy and so much of anything, yet I do not deprive myself of anything.

What do you feel has changed the most about you?
- When it comes to weight wise, I feel I have changed in ways I tried to do before. For the first time I actually have a healthy relationship with food. I glance at the calories and fat content, but I don't dwell on it. I no longer feel guilty if I eat a little more than I know I should, instead I tell myself I'll do better next time. I feel that the biggest mistake people make with "dieting" regardless of how it is done, is setting themself up to fail. When they take away their favorite foods they end up stuffing their face with them at some point in time. So, I finally realized that it's okay to enjoy what you like, but in moderation. It's also best to allow yourself time to enjoy those foods, so when eating them, really sit down and savor them and then you won't want to eat ALL of them.

More to come!!!

Who, What, When, Where, Why and How

I'd thought I'd share a little info about myself for those of you that don't know me and are curious to know who I am, what I am trying to accomplish, when I started this journey, where I want to go, why I want to change and how I plan to do it.

WHO:
25 year old female. Stay at Home Mother of two. Married to the love of my life 5.5 years now.


WHAT:
I want to be somebody different, yet the same. I want to be the me others love so much, but a better version of myself. I want to not only be a better mother and wife, sister and daughter, friend and woman, but mostly, a better woman of God. I want to serve Him and honor Him in ways I never knew how to before. I want to learn new things everyday and raise my children up to be honorable, intelligent, beautiful young men. I plan to use this blog to share my experiences, my downfalls, my struggles, my accomplishments and my lessons in hopes of inspiring and encouraging anyone else that comes accross this that it is never to late to make a change. You can always be who you want to be and there is no limit to how far you can go.

WHEN:
This mostly began last summer (2008) and really took off by Oct-Nov 08. I officially started my weight loss journey Nov 8, 2008 and somewhere between then and now is when it all started to happen. I have always wanted to be out there and reach people. People I can help or influence. People I can touch and pray for. I just never knew how before now...

WHERE:
I have no idea where I'm headed anymore. WhenI first started, this is not at all where I planned to be. I had no intentions of starting a blog or trying to change much of anything in my life other than my weight.... so to tell you where I'm headed who be nothing more than a guess or a dream and to be honest, I'm not sure I want to know where I'm going.... I just hope I get there because I know it will be worth the ride.

WHY:
I wanted to lose weight because I'm young and everyone has always said "but you have two kids... you look great" which comes out to me "you look great for having two kids, BUT..." so in the beginning it was merely out of spite and frustration. I wanted to lose weight to look good, but thru out the process I have realized most importantly, I want to be and remain healthy. I want to be a good example for my children and how can I tell them to eat good, take care of themselves and stay in shape if I'm not healthy myself? "Do as I say, not as I do" doesn't really apply here.... ha =) So mainly I want to do this for my children, but mostly, for myself. I want to know that when my time comes, I lived the life God planned out for me and I was who He wanted me to be. Change is good and I will embrace all that comes with it.

HOW:
I first planned to start with taking 2 day diet pills to lose the weight and with my success from the product, it sprialed into a business and now a blog. I had no intentions of selling anything or much less writing my experience for any stranger to see, but I welcome the new challenge and look forward to all that's yet to come. I hope to keep this blog going to show anyone who reads how they too can reach whatever goal they have set, no matter how big or small. I am living proof that some of us need to SEE to believe. You too can change or improve if you just have enough faith in yourself and allow whatever is waiting for you to guide you along the way.

My time has come....

When Thanksgiving came around, I was super excited to go see our family (my in-laws) and "show off" that I've lost weight. Up until days before we left, I hadn't told anyone I was doing anything. I wanted to go and see if anyone noticed. The only people that knew were the other two daughter in laws (my SIL's), but my other two SIL's and the rest of the family didn't have a clue.... so I was anxious to see their response.

Sadly, when we arrived there wasn't one. Ha!! That's probably what I deserved after being so "excited" and in a way "selfish" to see what they had to say about ME. How "stuck up" sounding is that anyway? ha.... Well, after the first day, when D, my SIL came over (this was the first time I had seen her that trip) she immediately noticed.... and I was in my PJ's!!! That made up for the lack of noticing the day before, so of course that gave me a little "boost" in confidence. From then on, everyone noticed the rest of the trip, so of course, I know you ladies can agree, it pumped me up even more and I was even more determined to keep losing weight.... altho at that moment and that place in my life, I was VERY pleased with where I was and very content with my weight, body, size, etc. I would have been happy if I didn't lose any more from there on.... but now, I'm so grateful I did!!

After thanksgiving, I was sure I had gained a few pounds back from all the good food and sitting around for a few days rather than chasing kiddos 24/7.... but to my surprise, I had lost 2 more pounds and that put me in motion. I was determined to reach my goal of 110 by christmas because we were going to my family's and I again wanted to show off my much smaller self...lol. See, the reason I keep saying "show off" is because living here in san antonio, I don't get out much. We don't have many friends and very little time to do anything other than every day things, so the extent of my "public appearances" include going to the grocery store, H's school and Karate class... otherwise I'm at home, just me and the kiddos and hubs. So going somewhere that I actually have a reason to get dressed and put on make up is sadly, but truthfully a highlight of my life. =)

Well Christmas time came and I did reach my goal, and I did get to show off and get all the uplifting comments everyone seeks when they've changed or done something worth praising... so I was once again, happy to get the "congratulations" from others and not just myself. I guess at this point I still hadn't quite learned to trust myself and my own opinions of myself again after me feeling like my eyes/mind lied to me months ago. That was about to change.

Shortly after Christmas I started to realize that me losing weight wasn't so much about me liking the body I saw in the mirror, yet more about liking the PERSON that was looking back at me. It was a rough few days when I figured out that all this time I was a beautiful person. All this time I thought I had a good confidene level. I thought I believed in myself and that I was truly pleased with who I was.... but the truth was revealed and it was a hard thing to see.

Immediately I lost it. I cried for days (behind closed doors of course, because that's just how I am!) and when I was out of answers, that's when I knew. That's when I realized it's not my answers that matter anyway. It's never been me. It's always been God.

He has always had the answers. The ones that are right. The ones that work. The ones that I needed. Mine always fell short or failed me. I could try and try to do something, whatever it may be, and for a while things would seem to be going my way, but in the end, it never worked. It didn't matter if I was trying to lose weight or write a book. I never could finish.

But not now. Nothing can stop me because He is on my side and my ears and heart are open. I'm listening and I'm following directions and finding my way. I'm on a mission and I WILL complete it. I am no where near the end of my journey that started out to lose weight and is turning into gaining things I never knew I was missing. I feel like a child again, learning things I already know, but in a new way. My eyes are clearer now and my life is FULL of possibilities. I see now that I can be ME and be a great mom and wife at the same time. I don't have to sacrifice one for the other and actually, each one is better because of the other, so now that my time is here, I'm going full force to make it count.

Are you with me? Are you ready to make a change in your life? I hope if you are or even if you are just needing some comfort or understanding, you will follow me and walk along side me while I experience new things and new ways everyday. I pray that God will bless any of you with all the answers you need to do whatever it is you have been longing to do. Keep searching and new stop praying. He is listening and He will answer. The rest is up to you.

Let the change begin....

Almost immediately after that terrible, yet wonderful, eye opening experience I was on the weight loss/better myself wagon faster than you can even read this sentence. I was determined and NOTHING was going to stop me this time! I've never said THAT before;)


A few days later, we were out in the front (we live in a cul-de-sac and at the time my oldest son's best friend lived next door) and my neigbor and I are chit chatting with another neighbor friend about how she had recently lost weight. That's when I found my answer....


So to make this loooooong story short, she told us about this weight loss pill and me being the googler I am, went straight to my "life's instruction book (aka GOOGLE)" and researched this MIRACLE pill for weeks. After much reading, googling and forum posting, I said what the heck and ordered a bottle hoping it was "the real deal."


With my research, I learned there were many versions of this pill and so many knock offs out there, that it was hard to determine the real from the fake. Even now, some people say one thing and others say something else... so I guess truth be told, no one really knows which is what.... but something I do know.... what I bought.... WORKED!!!


So of course, for those of you that are new, just reading to get more info and who are probably skeptical (just like I was) you are thinking "sure, whatever, every diet pill promises extreme weight loss and that I'll look like some actress on tv in 10 days or less" but I'm not here to sell you on anything. I'm not here to convince you to believe in this or try this or buy this. I'm not trying to make anyone believe in something they don't want to. I pass no judgements and I would never try to make someone do something they don't want. I am simply here to tell my story. To share others stories (those that allow me to do so) and give the proof some people need to give this a shot. I make no promises. I am in NO WAY responsible for choices anyone makes regarding this product. Like I said, I am just here to track my progress and share my experience. If that helps you and gives you the answer you need to go forward with trying this, more power to you.


Now, back to the product. On Nov 8 I started taking 2 day diet pills, weighing 132lbs (OUCH... that hurts to say/read!!) By thanksgiving, I was down 12lbs.... weighing 120. I was THRILLED!!! I couldn't remember the last time I saw 120 on the scale. On the other hand, I COULD remember always saying I'd never weigh over 120 in my life.... and again, that was when I was young, naive and had never had children.... amazing how things change!! =)


Finally, things were going MY way. I actually had control, once again, of my OWN life. I was really doing something for ME for a change and I couldn't have been more proud of myself. I slowly but surely started to notice more than a weight change in myself. I lost pounds and gained confidence. I was losing inches and regaining control of my life. I went down in size and up in pride. I was finally becoming the mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister....woman.... i wanted to be.

It's about time.

Mirror Mirror on the WALL....

you are the biggest LIAR of them ALL!

Okay, so I need to back up and explain myself really quick. When I first started this blog I had intentions for it to be a place for women, girls or whomever to come and find peace. To find comfort and understanding when they felt like no one else "got it." I'm sorry to say, I have not been very good at keeping my promise to you guys or myself by posting regularly. I also started this to track my weight loss and to show people how I've done it, why I did it and what I did to lose it.... but things changed.


The FDA released a recall on "tainted weight loss pills" which included the ones I was/am taking. Immediately, I took everything down, removed it from my page that related to the pills out of fear of somehow it being something illegal. Ok, so I know now, I overreacted, but still, I'm sure some of you that are new to reading this blog are a little lost/confused because everything I once had written isn't there and sadly, I can't get it back.... but I can start from here.


So.... backing up to the beginning (and I'm sorry if this is at all a repeat from any posts I've previously written or for anything I've already told some of you reading). Back in October ('08) I was in my best friends wedding. I was, at the time, excited to go and be a part of it and felt pretty decent about myself considering I have two children and didn't feel I looked half bad for someone that eats what she wants and doesn't excersise other than chasing after her boys. I, like most girls, was also happy to go and see people I haven't seen since high school and show off my kiddos and show them the life I've made for myself.


By no means did I LOVE my body at this point. Actually, I was your typical female, always saying "ah, I'm fat!" "I have nothing to wear" "nothing fits!" etc. etc. while my husband rolls his eyes and tells me he loves me just the way I am (only for me to roll my eyes back and tell him he is full of @$%*!) But, truthfully, I still felt okay going and I felt that I looked pretty that day. I felt when I looked in the mirror that it was "that" day for me (you know, where you actually got to shower and put on make-up and your hair actually did what you wanted!!) I was feeling good.... until I saw pictures.... and



O.M.G.



Let me just say my first reaction was THIS CAMERA SUCKS (which I might add ticked me off because I just paid a very pretty penny for that camera for my hubby's bday gift!!!) I swear I found every excuse under the sun to explain why these pictures I was looking at looked so bad. It was the way I was standing. The person who took them did it ALL wrong. It was out of focus....etc. Then I saw pictures from other peoples cameras. When all of the pictures of me looked the same, I suddenly realized it wasn't the camera... it was the MIRROR!


You know how they say people that are sick and have anorexia, that they look in the mirror and even tho anyone else can see this frail body with nothing but skin hanging there, all that person sees is this ugly, disgusting, fat person? Well that was me, but opposite. I mean, well not exactly. I didn't see some hot, tan, skinny super model starring back at me, but I didn't see the "whale" I saw in those pictures either (lol). In a way, looking back, I feel like I had mentally talked myself into accepting myself the way I was... which most people would say is okay to do, because I should love myself for WHO I am and not WHAT I look like right? Well, again, that's a big fat lie. Those two (at least for me, and admit it girls....most females feel the same way) go hand and hand.... you can't do one without the other.... so all this time I guess I found a way to "trick" myself and eventually I saw things that weren't really there....

think movie Shallow Hal.....hmmmm....


So anyway... that was my "ah ha" moment and for the first time I finally had had enough!! I was so over feeling the way I felt. There was so much more going on in my life at that time and I am very good at finding excuses for NOT doing things. Sadly, I'm probably one of the best procrastinators out there when it comes to taking care of myself. I've gotten very good at the "I don't have time" line for anything/everything that has to do with myself. (If this explains anything, I haven't had my hair cut since my birthday last year.... which was MARCH '08 and go to a dr, FOR MYSELF, what??? that is just NOT on top of my priority list!)


At that very moment I realized I had become THAT MOM. You know, the one who gives up everything to take care of her family? The one that takes her kids to school in mismatching pjs with holes in them, towel on her head, or better yet, hair that hasn't been washed in (GASP) 4 days...telling herself it doesn't matter cuz who does she have to impress? I mean, it wasn't THAT extreme (ok, ok....so maybe it was) but I had actually let go of myself and gave up my identity and took over the name MOM. I was no longer my own person, instead I was everyone elses answer to their problem (ex: i can always find the missing piece to the transformer H needs, or know what J wants when he "uh, uh, uh" and reaches at the counter, or can tell S exactly where some book/paper is that we haven't needed/seen/used the past 5 years we've been married). But....


NO MORE!

I'm DONE!!!!